Chocolate Coated Samurai

So I’m a little freaked out. 

I went to an anime convention this past weekend with a bunch of friends and my ex boyfriend. My ex and I have been on good terms since our brake-up, the biggest problem is that I miss him horribly and go through little bouts of depression (he broke up with me.)

During the weekend he drank a lot (which he does whenever he has access to booze) and basically just hung around the whole weekend. I had brought one of my old friends with me to the con and on Friday night he sent me a weird text that basically implied that there was something about her that he was thinking about. He didn’t go into anymore detail but it got me thinking and made me a little depressed. I could only assume that he thought she was attractive and that’s not exactly something to be happy about when your ex is thinking it.

The next night he drank a lot more and went out with an old army friend of his. I went to bed early ‘cause I’d be making the 8 hour drive the next day with work immediately afterwards, but in the middle of the night my best friend (who is also my ex’s sister) came back from the rave in a huff over something that he said. I read through her texts and found out why. 

He had started out asking about my friend but quickly turned it from him asking to another one of our friends. But then he told her that he thought he was ready to start dating again, but not me, because I make a better friend than a girlfriend.

It really hurt me, and my depression got pretty bad.

But then just before we left the con he bought me a game that I really wanted. I thought back to the last night’s text messages when my friend told my ex that he was leading me on and him denying it. Was he leading me on with this? Was he just being nice ‘cause he knew I didn’t have the money? I started to get confused.

I complained about my feelings to my friend and her husband, who both urged me to ignore him and stop doing things for him. If I kept on acting like his girlfriend he would keep taking advantage of me and all that.

I told my friend about my increasing depression and how I wished I wasn’t lonely. I told her that I should just go on a not-serious date to beat him to the punch so he could realize what he’s missing. She then proceeded to set me up for a group date.

Just now he sent me a message, after I had been ignoring/ giving him vague answers about hanging out today. He told me about a dream he had where I was part of some online religious cult and he was trying to get me out of it. I made friends with people that didn’t want me talking to my ex. I started staying in a home with them and he tried to get me out so he joined but the members were on to him and confronted him and were saying that everything was going to be alright. 

What if, he does love me still? What if he doesn’t want to but really does? Why would he feel that way? Why did he have that dream the night after everyone insisted I stop talking to him? I’m so confused and I can’t tell anyone.  

Ode ta mah Sun God

Yo ass is my sunshine

I be a gangsta yo, but y’all knew dat n’ my only sunshine

Yo ass make me happy

When skies is grey

You’ll never know dear

How tha fuck much I gots a straight-up boner fo’ yo thugged-out ass

Quit playin’ n’ do what the fuck I be sayin’! Please don’t take mah sunshine away.

Brought to you by http://www.gizoogle.net and my emo-ass self 

sheisfartoofondofbooks:

I didn’t choose the fandom life.

The fandom life broke into my house in the middle of the night and said “Dad’s on a hunting trip, and hasn’t been home in a few days.”

(via sophisticatedlesbian)

oi-dancing-boy:

comickit:

jengablocktetris:

if you ship two professors is it a scholarship?

get out

#he wants the phd

(Source: mrjengablock, via cheapbrain)

I miss you so much tonight.